I’m going to speak as if i’m an old soul recollecting the days of the Black empowerment movement. Because, Hill Harper’s The Conversation reminded me of something. It reminded me of a time when “Black people loving other Black people was a revolutionary act”… I’m wondering what happened to that state of mind, but I’m thinking I could make a few educated guesses.
As far as the Black familial unit, during slavery it was stripped and divided. It was women and children then there were the Black men. As if this seperation did not do enough damage to our individual and collective concepts of family, further enforcements post-slavery were made to keep this notion going. For example, at one point if Black women wanted to receive assistance for their families Black men were not allowed to be present in the household. Hence, the beginnings of the single-parent households (dare I say baby momma? …I shiver at the thought), reduction in marriage, and skewed* reliance on government assistance.
But then the Black empowerement movement surged on. (And, of course it also had its flaws, misogyny for one, but I’d argue it is on a different level than we have today) People stayed together because they knew that everyone else didn’t want to see them succeed. They stayed together for the benefit of their families, their children, each other, and lastly their community. Their ties to their communities were strong, and their support for one another spoke volumes. This can be seen throughout our history of sit-ins, parades, walks, community action, you name it. This was a time when people felt communal ties to their race and their community. They made it through a common struggle and understood the importance of sticking together.
It’s not hard to understand why the communication barriers are broken in so many areas of our community. We have the children of those single mothers being raised without fathers. They have no concept of what true fatherhood is. The females are raised to rely on no one emotionally or financially. While independence is good, if you are constantly being told that “no one has your back but you” or that “never rely on a man” there is a good chance you are going to grow up thinking that a man will never be able to provide for you, or that you will never be able to instill trust in him. And young men are growing up without father figures. Father’s who are only there sometimes, and sometimes never. A woman may be able to take care of the whole family, but she cannot father the whole family. So when the young women who wants to do it all herself, meets the young man whose only example of fatherhood/manhood is being inconsistent… no wonder the relationships don’t make it. Their lives are shaped and formed by history. Somewhere and somehow it needs to turn around.
Black pride is a completely different concept today than it was in the late 70s and 80s. Now we as a people often take pride in our negative stereotypes than in our beauty, versatility and power as a people. In the past, the movement was formed so that we could provide each for other and move as a united front. Two-parent households were very common! Now, the amount of single parent households coupled with Black male imprisonment rates, we are in a world of trouble. The reality is the solution starts at home. Black men and women need to take a more active role in the upbringing of their children. Instill faith in themselves, their community, and their people. Passing on years of hostility, judgement and falsehoods only perpetuates the cycle.
We look at Michelle & Barack Obama in awe. We look at their love and their relationship as something unattainable. I hope they become somewhat of a role model to our Black youth, but I know no one is perfect. Now don’t get me wrong I am aware of the flourishing Black middle class, but the reality is there is still a much bigger working and poor class struggling to keep it together financially and emotionally. It’s time to break down those walls and talk. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Remove those inhibitions, expectations and listen.
*Despite the ongoing stereotypes of the Black welfare queen, African American’s are NOT the largest group receiving welfare assistance.
